I, Flour, regret to inform you that I hereby withdraw from this competition.
I tried in earnest to win your favor, over the last two thousand years. I, the ingredient which created bread for Christ to break, the savior of all human souls, am retiring. I’ve had good times over my reign, but alas, the gluten in me has dragged my name over the coals, and I cannot fight any longer. I concede to my competitors, and beg my supporters to forgive my indiscretions.
I always have tried to share, always invited strangers in from the cold. It was I who The Little Red Hen worked so hard to mill, and turn into a loaf of bread, as a lesson for all. But my fall from grace has been insurmountable, and I have been replaced.
I swear, I didn’t mean to make so many people fart. If it really was me, I am sorry. Perhaps some day people will know the truth, that it was my evil twin FODMAPs. Until then, adieu.
Always your faithful servant,
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